Here is how the current iteration of the second (and now third!) paragraph of the opening chapter of The Herald’s Dark Progress reads today (at least as of the time of this writing). I provide here to serve as the “after” counterpart to go with the “before” of its clunkier beginnings. I hope you’ll agree it’s improved! To read my analysis of how it evolved (i.e wandered, stumbling and staggering) from point A to point B, and why, please refer to this post on my writing process. (And if you’d like to see how it fits into the narrative as a whole, you can find it in context on page 12* of this larger sample.)
*As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, in order to make the text easier for you to read on this site, I’ve upped the font sizes, and consequently the pagination of any samples you see here will rarely match those in any other format.